TEN YEARS OF "PRINCELY ADVICE FOR A HAPPY LIFE"

and wondering if chivalry is still relevant.

His birthday was fast approaching, and I was panicking unnecessarily.

It was 2011 and my firstborn son was a month away from his first birthday. In a typically patriarchal, clichéd, and fairytale manner, I, the Neanderthal man, holding aloft my male heir, was trying to think of the classic first birthday gift to give him. I wanted it to be absolutely perfect, awesome, nay, epic.

I began peppering people with questions about what one traditionally would give a firstborn child. A number of answers came back. An embroidered pillow, religious iconography or jewelry to hang above the bed, an engraved plate, cup or spoon, a stuffed toy, with his face printed on the belly – maybe not.

As I pondered tradition, family and history, I realized that my Lubomirski family history was one of immense wealth, property, philanthropy and art; followed by immense upheaval and loss. It occurred to me, that material objects, property, and things could be lost or stolen.

What can I give my son that could never be taken away or lost? The answer became glaringly obvious.

Love and knowledge.

A small idea popped into my head, that maybe I could make him a short list of fatherly advice. One that if, for whatever reason, I wasn’t here tomorrow, these would be all the things that I would have wished I could have told him, as he grew into a young man.

Advice on:

Love

Romance

Chivalry

Charity

Courage

Spirituality

Compassion

and balance.

I began writing down nuggets of wisdom, that I had gathered throughout my life, from my parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts, friends, teachers, books, and even TV shows. There seemed to be something traditional about the themes being transferred from pen to paper, but somehow with a more 21^st-century, spiritual twist.

What I thought would be ten to fifteen notes, grew into a wave of recovered pearls of wisdom, strung together, into a list numbering over a hundred.

Again, as I wrote these down, I thought about where my son came from. Where I came from. Where the Lubomirski family came from.

…………………

Aged eleven, whilst living in Botswana with my mother and stepfather, I had received the regular letter from my father in Paris, except this particular one was different. Instead of just my name on the envelope, it read,

His Serene Highness Prince Alexi Lubomirski.

Confused, I thought that maybe it was a variation of addressing it to either a Master, or Monsieur, and I showed my mother.

Ah, she said. It looks like your father wants you to know.

Know what? I asked.

Well, she began. Your father is a Polish prince.

Silence.

And therefore, that means that you are also a Prince.

My head cocked slightly to one side, like a puppy who had the word ball or treat.

A Prince? I said, my mind racing through every princely reference in my 1980’s eleven year old brain. Stallions, knights, castles, treasures, armies.

But, my mom said, interrupting my fairytale inner monologue. It’s not what I imagine you are thinking it to be.

What do you mean? I said.

Well, once upon a time there were many palaces, castles, art, and wealth, but times changed. The wars lead to a lot of things being stolen, lost, or destroyed.

So of course, I asked what most eleven year old boys would ask in this situation.

What’s the point of being a Prince then, if you have nothing to show for it?

My mother paused, and, as she had done on many occasions through my childhood, she said something of monumental significance, that would end up acting as a compass for the rest of my life.

Alexi, I think that if you want to be a Prince in today’s world, it’s about being a Prince in your heart, and in your actions.

I would have preferred the riches and armies, I thought; but hey, I was eleven.

Somehow, however, I stored that piece of advice somewhere deep in my brain, in between Star Wars quotes and other 1980’s pop culture references.

Fast forward twenty five years and there I was, wanting this collection of thoughts to be a complete package of fatherly advice, whilst also carrying some acknowledgment of where our family came from, and how we could live up to that role, but in a modern day manner.

I realized that rather than writing some Machiavellian version of what a Prince should be, teaching about power, etiquette, and what airs and graces to employ in certain society, I wanted to simply teach them how to be a good person.

I called my collection of thoughts, “Notes For a Young Prince”, and I constructed a homemade book for my son to have on his bedside table, so that he might be able to open it at any page, as he grew up and learn something of use. It was then that I showed it to my friend and future illustrator collaborator, Carlos Aponte.

You have to publish this book, Alexi, he said, after perusing it one Sunday after lunch together. Young people need to read this!

Hell, no! I replied. I’m a fashion photographer. Who the hell am I to be doling out life advice to complete strangers? I wasn’t going to expose myself to ridicule, by swerving outside of my lane, and assuming that I had any wisdom whatsoever to share with others.

However, after two years, the birth of my second son, and after much persuasion from Carlos and my wife, Giada. I decided to try and gently approach publishers to see if they might like the book. 

Perfectly validating my imposter syndrome, no one responded, and so, in a moment of complete madness, I started researching the mechanics of self-publishing, which at the time had become a less daunting online experience. I enlisted the illustrative skills of Carlos, the book designing skills of Edna Isabel Acosta and self-published it, before gently releasing it out into the world.

The first self-published version

Again, desperately trying to save myself from the embarrassment of failure, by attempting something outside my field of expertise, and hoping to at least get some sympathy-purchases, I chose to publicize this book on the fairly new Instagram platform, stating that all proceeds from this book would be donated to the humanitarian charity Concern Worldwide, to which I had already been donating to, since my first few paychecks as a photographer.

I started bringing copies of the book onto my photography shoots. When the models or celebrities that I was taking pictures of, asked me what I was up to, I shyly proffered my book as a gift, and would watch them as they thumbed through the pages during hair and make-up. To my absolute joy, and relief, I would receive heartwarming responses from them, saying,

Can I keep this for my brother or my boyfriend?

My husband definitely needs to read this.

Can I have another three for my brothers?

Of course! I exclaimed, following up with, Would it be too cheeky to ask for you to post about it on your Instagram?

In real time, I saw my book sales grow with each new post about my book. The beauty of online self-publishing, being that every single copy sold, immediately pinged on my laptop, with the percentage share being drastically larger than if I had gone through a publishing house. I also reached out to friends in magazines that I had worked for, to see if they would be willing to mention my book and the charity.

As beginners luck would demonstrate, I had articles in different Harpers Bazaars, Vogues, Elles and InStyles, and even had a double page spread in the New York Post; each article mentioning the book and the charity.

One day, the Director of Concern Worldwide called me up asking, WHO ARE YOU? We keep seeing our charity mentioned in all these magazines, in conjunction with this book of yours!

I visited the office to tell him about the book, and ever since, we have worked on a number of projects together, and Concern Worldwide has been attached to every book that I have published, whether for kids, poetry or photography, in order to highlight the amazing work that they do.

With the help of book agent, Anne Bohner, my self-published book, which had now made over $30K for Concern was shopped out to a publishing house, Andrews McMeel. They took on the project, revamped the book, and changed the title from being more boy focused, to a more universal, PRINCELY ADVICE FOR A HAPPY LIFE.

After being re-launched in America, England and Australia, it was then translated and sold to Brazil, Poland, Portugal, Italy, Holland, and Latin America.

Even then, I doubted myself, still fearing ridicule by anyone who read it. That was until the letters and messages started coming in from different corners of the globe.

A grateful grandmother in Canada, who bought six books for her grandchildren, thrilled at being able to pass on some positive values.

Dozens of single mothers writing to thank me for giving them a tool-book of advice from the perspective of a positive male figure.

…………………………

It’s been ten years this month, since the first self-published version hit the online bookshelves, and in that time, the world has turned upside down and flipped sideways. It’s fascinating to look at whether the messages in the book are still relevant.

What does it mean to be a good person these days? What traditional values, ethics, and beliefs still hold true? And which ones have been culled on the chopping board of political correctness?

For example, the first note in the book, (and bear in mind, this was originally written for my sons), says,

“Be CHIVALROUS at all times. Stand up when introduced to women. Open doors for them, help carry their belongings, and protect them from harm.”

Is this now considered sexist? Does this come from an old world assumption that women need protecting and need help?  Quite possibly.

Despite the sentiment based in chivalry and respect, perhaps the traditional idea of what chivalry means, is no longer relevant or welcome in the world. Or maybe it is needed now more than ever? I believe one could have a strong argument either way.

The pages up for debate, number less than eight in the book, with a majority of the advice simply extolling the virtues of a good person; male, female, or anywhere in-between.

If you haven’t read it, it is still on sale here, and all the proceeds still go to Concern Worldwide.

Personally, I still glance at it from time to time, reminding myself of all the nuggets of advice that were not mine to conceive, but mine to simply pass on, with the intention of sharing those universal gifts that can never be stolen or lost:

Love and Knowledge.

A x

…………..

“This beautiful book should become a bible for all! This is a simple book of basic, gentle ideals that we sometimes forget about. It reminds us all that showing gratitude, smiling brightly, and living life with goodness in our hearts is easy to do and SO important for our children to witness and to hear. Give up googling cool quotes; just open this book instead!”—Kate Winslet

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